Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
