don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
