your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
