So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
