someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
