He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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