remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
