Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
