JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
