Do you still have your period?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
