cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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