he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is Oprah even human
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
