Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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