So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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