Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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