ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
