I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize