i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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