My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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