So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
