Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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