He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
