Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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