So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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