sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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