bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
