Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
