If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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