Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
