if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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