i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
