went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
