glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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