Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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