he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
