I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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