piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
