I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
