I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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