question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
