I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
