Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Shame is for Republicans.
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