my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize