i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
