it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
