C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
