wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
