Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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