I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
