You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
