I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
