wrigley field is MILF paradise
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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