I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
