So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
