Nicole vs. Life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
