You can't special order awesome
that's an acceptable place to lick
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
