so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
