Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
