My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
