4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
