he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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