Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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