remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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