I want to stick my p in your. b.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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