Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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