Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
