I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
