If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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