Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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