It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
