I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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