Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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