Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
