So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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