Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
