think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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